How to use Positive Discipline in Parenting

Did the kids do something you forbid them from? Did they break an object they were specifically told not go near? Did they make a mistake? Kids learn from us, and how we react to situations. Sure, some of their activities can drive us mad, but then to blame them and punish them for it degrades them and does not teach the long staying lesson. It is one of the prime responsibilities of parents to instill good discipline within their children, it is also one of the most difficult tasks of being a parent.

However, that should not deter one from being the best possible version of themselves in order to ensure a healthy mentality in their kids. Parents generally feel equally or more guilty for having to punish their kids, for being children and making mistakes. Sometimes it feels like the only way to discipline them is by being strict and rigid, often not listening to the child’s unspoken emotions. However, this leaves one feeling dissatisfied, terrible and guilty, for they surely love their kids, but are just at the end of their ropes with everything they have to cope with. This is where a change in lifestyle, and an adoption of Positive Discipline can truly make a difference in both the kids and parents life, making their roles more fulfilling and nurturing well being a child with great morals and good understanding of boundaries.

What is Positive Discipline?

Developed by Dr. Jane Nelson, a renowned family and child counselor, positive disciplining refers to an authoritative method where clear communication is expected from parents to their kids on appropriate and inappropriate behaviors and the rewards and consequences for each respectively. This method solely focuses on encouraging problem solving within children without resorting to negative measures like spanking, yelling, or severe punishments.

The main aim of positive disciplining is to find different, gentler flavors of parenting rather than have to enforce and impose punishments for their inappropriate behavior as this is emotionally draining for the parent and damaging for the child’s future. It also leaves the parents feeling more calm and at peace with their choices and styles of parenting without placing the burden of guilt on them, ensuring a more connected, loving and trusting relationship with their little ones and even themselves!

The key to positively disciplining your child lies in mutual respect, encouragement and empowerment and not in punishments or reproaches. It teaches the parents to be firm and yet kind to their kids, so that they may feel heard and understood without losing their dignity.

Here are some points to adhere by in Positive Disciplining!

• Always Keep your cool

No matter how infuriating a situation has developed, it is always important to be level headed in such a situation because children immediately understand their fault in their behavior if it’s wrong, bashing their morale in further is just damaging to their pride, dignity and sense of oneself. It helps in building a positive, respectful relationship between the parent and child enabling them to decide for themselves and decrease the likelihood of exhibiting bad behavior.

• Solution based and not Punishment based

Rather than punishing a child for their misbehavior, this method relies on finding solutions to it. These solutions should then equip the child to make a conscious decision on their own to stop their misbehavior. This can be done by explaining the consequences of a particular action that they might act out, how it could reflect badly and providing them with healthier positively oriented alternatives to better express themselves.

• High Level of Communication

Communication at the parent-child level is an absolute must in order for positive disciplining to be effective. Maintain and nurture a positive, warm, open environment for your children as this helps them open up to you about the issues and emotions they’re feeling. This in turn helps the parent understand what they’re child’s needs are rather than just guessing at it. Parents must also be able to open up about themselves to their kids, thus fostering a field of mutual respect, showing them the strength in vulnerability and how to better themselves at any age.

• Encouragement, Empowerment and Mutual Respect

Encourage their good behaviors, this acts as an automatic deterrent from the improper behavior they may exhibit thus, gently re-enforcing the notion of what is appropriate within them without the need for severe measures. Empower your kids to understand the benefits of a good behavior and the consequences that might rise from a bad one by setting healthy boundaries that are permissible for them. Maintain a firm and warm tone whilst correcting them and encourage them to make their own choices thus emboldening their characters for the future.

• Time and Practice is Key!

No human is a perfect parent, it is and always will be a learning lesson that differs from parent to parent based on what works with their children. This means having the patience to understand one’s own mistakes and correct them, no matter how much time it takes and how many tries it may take! Better to err and learn than to be a parent who isn’t receptive to their child’s needs and emotions.

Now that you know the key points of a positive parenting and what it takes to be a gentle and nurturing parent. It is important that you know the benefits of opting this lifestyle in order to understand the changes it can invoke within you and your family, for the better!

Benefits of Positive Discipline!

• Stronger Parent Child Relationships

Positive parenting helps the parents establish an open, loving and trusting relationship based on mutual trust with their kids which enables both parties to reveal more about themselves, their emotions and turmoil to find solace at any point in their lives. It ensures that even during periods where children want to experience and learn things for themselves, they will still have a safe haven to confide in with their parents.

• Effective Communicators

Disciplining children in a gentle and affirming way helps instill a good measure of confidence in them allowing them to better express themselves as this has been taught to them since their infancy. Children mimic and learn from their parents and surroundings, so if they’re surrounded by people who are good communicators, it stands to reason that their children will also learn to better express themselves and their needs.

It also teaches the parents to be more expressive with their reasoning rather than just saying an outright no without an explanation to an activity.

• Increased Self Esteem and Happiness

Both parents and their kids can have abundant happiness as both parties are capable of acknowledging their shortcomings and areas that need improvement. It paints the picture of a healthy happy family and not a family that has to be perfect. This results in an increase in self esteem for the parents and their children as one does not need to feel terrible about their disciplining skills whilst the other won’t feel invalidated and diminished by their parents’ responses.

• Diminished Negative Behavior

This is not only noticed in the children but also in their parents. It teaches them to be more gentle, affirmative without coming off as rude, punishing and fear inspiring. Positive parenting encourages the kids to learn from their mistakes which allows them to make a well thought choice to not repeat it again. And parents who allow their kids to learn from their mistakes rather than punishing them for it also get better at articulating themselves and managing their emotions.

So now that you’ve read the myriad of life changing (Literally, it’s a commitment!) benefits of adopting such a lifestyle for you and your kids, it’s time to refresh and change those age old notions of strict and punitive parenting that is tasking for both you and your kids! Here’s to successfully revamping what it looks like to be a parent by being healthy, loving and nurturing for both yourselves and your kids!