Ways To Help Kids Handle Disappointment

You had promised your son that you would take him for a bike ride but it just started raining. You try explaining to your child that outdoor time would not be possible now and he bursts into tears or just walks away. These tantrums are difficult to handle, but you can definitely help your child in dealing with such disappointing situations he may encounter all through his life.

Disappointment is a healthy emotion that children need to experience. We don’t want to protect our kids from disappointment since it’s an important feeling for building resilience.We can possibly motivate good decision-making skills in our children if we teach them how to handle disappointment effectively.

Although the specific disappointments that children face, as well as their capacity to cope with them vary from one child to another, child development specialists believe that the essential skills for dealing with disappointment are basically the same throughout age groups.

Nonetheless, it’s still hard to feel disappointed, and it’s much more difficult to watch your child go through it. Don’t worry if your child frequently gets distressed with disappointments; we’ve got ideas to help your child deal with disappointment.

Here are 5 things you can do to help children deal with disappointment:

1. Let Them Feel

We all wish to protect our children from suffering. We don’t like it when they’re upset. It might make us feel powerless as parents, as well as evoke powerful feelings in us. As a result, many of us try to fix, minimize, or remove our child’s disappointment, unknowingly worsening the situation.

We try to divert their attention by saying “Don’t cry! Here’s chocolate.” We ignore them, saying, “It’s OK, you’re fine.” We belittle them — “It’s not so bad!” “Why are you crying?” We criticize them. “This is not how big boys behave!”

What this conveys to a child is that their feelings are unimportant, that we can’t handle their strong emotions (and so, neither can they), and that their feelings aren’t significant.

Rather than urging children to keep their feelings hidden from us, we want to encourage them to express themselves freely. This is done by listening to them and validating their feelings.

2. Listen And Validate

Your initial instinct as a parent would be to attempt to solve problems for your children. However, it is not always possible to change the situation. What you can do is listen to and acknowledge your children’s disappointment and frustration.

Do not try to make assumptions about the reason behind your child being sad. For instance, your child wants to go to a birthday party and you find him distressed. There might be several reasons behind it. The concern regarding safety, having a good dress, or appropriate gift for a friend might be a few of them. But, you can not really assume.

So, it’s important to really listen and meet them where they’re at. Then you can go on and try to find a solution to their problem.

3. Lead With Empathy

Be empathetic towards your child at all times. It’s important to refrain from making judgement based on their reactions. It may seem ridiculous to be upset over not getting a lovely birthday dress, but simply by telling them ‘it’s not a big issue’ can just make them feel more isolated.

Being a modern parent demands a lot, and parents can often be seen battling with their own patience levels. As a result, there might be a temptation to belittle your child’s disappointment by saying that the issue is not something to be disappointed about.

Honestly, it’s a small issue for you as parents because you’re an adult with a lifetime of experience dealing with setbacks. Do not disregard your child’s feelings. Instead, approach with empathy and accept that your child is struggling with this emotions. This is a technique to normalise the feeling and convey that it is healthy to have such feelings.

4. Give Some Space

Children might often need space to process their emotions. Allowing your child to work through the feeling on their own is another method to strengthen their competence. Giving space is also respectful when you realise that your child needs some ‘me-time’ to safely process the feelings.

Often, all you have to do is stop talking for a while. Be quiet and let your child take his own time. You can say “I’m going to give you some space to work through your disappointment.” At the same time, you must also assure him that whenever he needs to share something, you would be there.

You must be cautious here; if your child is anxious or sensitive, giving them too much space may feel like abandonment. This is the time when you need to apply your best judgement about your child: introverts need space, while extroverts want company.

5. Brainstorming and Problem-Solving

You might be able to brainstorm some ideas to help your child resolve the problem they’re facing once they’ve calmed down. Is there a different approach to handle the situation? Is there a different way to get what they want? A different perspective on the situation?

Of course, sometimes there will be instances when there is no solution, and that is fine. A listening ear and a little bit of time are sometimes all that is necessary to help children cope with disappointment. In that case, you can talk about how to cope with a similar disappointment in the future. Or simply, you may just listen to your kid.

Disappointment is a particularly difficult emotion for children to deal with. In reality, it’s a difficult emotion for adults as well! We all don’t want our children to be disappointed.

However, the disappointment is apparent right now, since many of us are still bound to Covid restrictions. The plans have been cancelled. Schools are closed, and children are missing their friends, birthday parties, park outings, and family visits. Their favourite activities have been put on hold.

What about parents? It’s a terrible situation. Parents are left feeling helpless as a result of this. But, we can’t shield our children from disappointment since it’s a part of life,especially now.

By following the above mentioned suggestions, you can definitely help your kids manage disappointment in a positive way and also make them learn something along the way.